Let’s push aside the curtains to truly reveal the real me! A narcissistic, hypocritical and lying assh*le! It’s really funny I say all these fancy words and statements followed up by “I believe in this.” But anyone who is observant enough can clearly see me doing actions that goes against said value. I’m not a “sweet” or “compassionate” person, I do these actions that might give the impression I might be but truly, you could say it is merely a facade forcing myself to do them. A bipolar person like me doesn’t deserve any human connection/attention/love, or just generally for who I am. These inconsistencies in my behavior and identity. I’m fed up with people telling me the fairytale bullshít “oh you deserve love! ‘Everyone’ does.”
I have my episodes here and there, I act out not the way “me” would, impulsive/irrational actions and rash decisions. Most people don’t have much experience dealing with bipolar disorder so they’ll be confused, might misinterpret my behavior during my episodes as a reflection of who I am labeling me ignorant or selfish before cutting ties with me, obviously well deserved who the f*ck wants to talk with a piece of garbage like me, I act all mighty and spit out bunch of shít but never do it. But honestly I should stop yapping get to my f*cking conclusion. And no I’m not saying all these to justify my shítty attitude, nor am I looking for any sympathy or pity. I don’t want any of that, truly I’ve been a f*cking idiot and a piece of shít, pushing away people who cared about me, stubbornly in my delusions that this is some decision that must be done as I go walk off self righteously when I was just a dumbàss doing shítty choices only harming myself and them. And no I don’t want to change, I am lazy and just want to let my self hatred consume as it bites pieces of my identity bit by bit until I become a hollow shell that narcissistically thinks of their OWN hatred for self and nothing else, I give up trying to fight against the regression from my episodes to rebuild my identity. If any of my friends come across my profile you are obviously free to unfriend me, as if I’ll interact or make an effort to talk anyways, I’ll probably in the future have ended my pathetic existence, that is if I don’t end up backing out like some f*cking pūssy. Now again I will mention and put emphasis that I AM NOT looking for sympathy, nor am I trying to create a pity party f*ck no, I am merely just putting this out as a heads up to my steam friends.