Oh god.

I had such high hopes going into this one. It had everything *on paper* that should have made it interesting. An Event Horizon style setting with a proper Dark Souls approach. Firm but fair melee fighting with a dash of ranged combat using energy mechanics that recharged with melee which means you were not overdependent on the whims of the ammo gods (HELLO REMNANT) and thus needing bosses to spawn copious adds to throw ammo at you. Nor did it put you in the unenviable position of throwing you into situations where you had to edge forward gently and watch what you pulled lest something pulled one shot nonsense out of the rear end (HELLO IMMORTAL UNCHAINED).

So this should have done the trick, right? RIGHT?

No. Dear god no. The jank. Dear gods below the jank. The jank when you hit the jump button and it feels like the jump is completely divorced from your movement speed. The jank where stamina regen seems to work entirely on it's own ruleset and if you get stunned IT WILL NOT RECHARGE until your stun animation completes, thus potentially stunlocking you indefinitely if you have the temerity to raise your shield because bosses naturally can chain heavy attacks as if they're nothing.

Normally you expect this. This is fine.

WHAT YOU DO NOT EXPECT IS THE FIRST BOSS TO HAVE A ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ FREEZE AURA THAT MEANS ANY KIND OF CLOSE-IN COMBAT SLOWS YOU TO A CRAWL WITHIN FIVE SECONDS. FORCING YOU TO PLAY CATCHY MONKEY OVER TWO VENTS AT OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE ROOM AS YOU DESPERATELY WARM YOUR TINY FRAIL BODY BEFORE DUCKING IN FOR ONE OR TWO HITS.

WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?!

The second boss, which is just as obnoxious has a giant leap that chunks your stamina if you block and has really dodgy hit detection if you try to block, and then can follow it up with a 360 degree AE attack that IS NOT TELEGRAPHED AT ALL. HALF OF THE BOSS ATTACKS ARE NOT TELEGRAPHED WHATSOEVER

WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?!


The fact you start with zero levels in *anything* yet you're going to have to invest hard and fast otherwise even the most rudimentary gear is going to leave you walking along at the speed of an asthmatic warthog and then when you jump SUDDENLY YOU'RE AT FULL SPEED AGAIN WHICH REALLY THROWS YOU OUT WHEN JUDGING PLATFORMS.

Oh yeah, and if you don't put lots of points into health, stamina and load early on good luck actually managing to dodge with any of the stuff, because blocking is out, not only does the game have the nerve to apply chip damage on any significant blow (because it's clear the game doesn't actively want you to turtle up), blocking will EAT your stamina for breakfast.


The maps are a mess of tangled platforms, sudden drops and areas which make no functional sense, a portal is placed in a location which is a complete nightmare to get *out of* and requires multiple deaths before you realise you need to strip off so you can get enough speed to just about get on top of this TINY ledge AND you have to hit it at the right angle so you can fall down on the platform on the opposite side. I am sure the grip elevators were placed for this purpose but because you cannot control yourself in the air, using them is SUICIDE.

WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.

Dark Souls was a mastery of architecture, it didn't need to tell you where to go because the game organically led you from place to place and offered mysteries that gently guided you from location to location. This hellhole is a rats nest of tangled corridors which switch back on themselves. This is Blighttown, but repeated infinitely and in the worst possible way.

THIS IS NOT GOOD MAP DESIGN. AT LEAST REMNANT PLACED A BEGINNING AND AN END ON THE MAPS AND GAVE YOU A ROUGH DIRECTION AND KEPT YOU GOING IN IT. THIS IS A LABYRINTH WITH NO EXIT EXCEPT WHEN YOU FIND THE NEXT ABSURD BOSS BATTLE.


Five hours. And that was about the longest five hours of my life. This was five hours of gaming constipation. It was uncomfortable, it made me grit my teeth, it was about as pleasant as forcing a tall boy beer can through something NOT DESIGNED FOR PURPOSE.

Speaking of which, I hit the third boss at the five hour point. I suspect it's supposed to be a take on Ornstein and Smough, but when both of the bosses can throw out projectiles (one of which is a massive AE bomb) and then switch effortlessly between smashing your face in or raining death and destruction from afar, it sortof ruins the whole "Tag-team" vibe, because you can't work out where the attacks are coming from. THEY'RE COMING FROM EVERY DIRECTION AND THEY CAN ONE SHOT YOU.

This game can quite honestly get f**ked.

Verdict: How about no? How about f**k no. Yeah, let's settle on that. NICHT ACCEPTABRU

Written for Balance Patch, if you'd like to see more of their work, follow the link in the italics

[H1]Aside from The Surge and Code Vein it seems like developers are really struggling with getting a handle on FromSoftware's Dark Souls...[/h1] Oh god. I had such high hopes going into this one. It had everything *on paper* that should have made it interesting. An Event Horizon style setting with a proper Dark Souls approach. Firm but fair melee fighting with a dash of ranged combat using energy mechanics that recharged with melee which means you were not overdependent on the whims of the ammo gods (HELLO REMNANT) and thus needing bosses to spawn copious adds to throw ammo at you. Nor did it put you in the unenviable position of throwing you into situations where you had to edge forward gently and watch what you pulled lest something pulled one shot nonsense out of the rear end (HELLO IMMORTAL UNCHAINED). So this should have done the trick, right? RIGHT? No. Dear god no. The jank. Dear gods below the jank. The jank when you hit the jump button and it feels like the jump is completely divorced from your movement speed. The jank where stamina regen seems to work entirely on it's own ruleset and if you get stunned IT WILL NOT RECHARGE until your stun animation completes, thus potentially stunlocking you indefinitely if you have the temerity to raise your shield because bosses naturally can chain heavy attacks as if they're nothing. Normally you expect this. This is fine. WHAT YOU DO NOT EXPECT IS THE FIRST BOSS TO HAVE A GODDAMN FREEZE AURA THAT MEANS ANY KIND OF CLOSE-IN COMBAT SLOWS YOU TO A CRAWL WITHIN FIVE SECONDS. FORCING YOU TO PLAY CATCHY MONKEY OVER TWO VENTS AT OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE ROOM AS YOU DESPERATELY WARM YOUR TINY FRAIL BODY BEFORE DUCKING IN FOR ONE OR TWO HITS. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?! The second boss, which is just as obnoxious has a giant leap that chunks your stamina if you block and has really dodgy hit detection if you try to block, and then can follow it up with a 360 degree AE attack that IS NOT TELEGRAPHED AT ALL. HALF OF THE BOSS ATTACKS ARE NOT TELEGRAPHED WHATSOEVER WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?! [H1]Its not just the boss design that's odious either...[/H1] The fact you start with zero levels in *anything* yet you're going to have to invest hard and fast otherwise even the most rudimentary gear is going to leave you walking along at the speed of an asthmatic warthog and then when you jump SUDDENLY YOU'RE AT FULL SPEED AGAIN WHICH REALLY THROWS YOU OUT WHEN JUDGING PLATFORMS. Oh yeah, and if you don't put lots of points into health, stamina and load early on good luck actually managing to dodge with any of the stuff, because blocking is out, not only does the game have the nerve to apply chip damage on any significant blow (because it's clear the game doesn't actively want you to turtle up), blocking will EAT your stamina for breakfast. [H1]And finally, to add the bag of diseased, vintage knob-cheddar to this wonderful cake of molten Hershey squirts, we have the map design...[/H1] The maps are a mess of tangled platforms, sudden drops and areas which make no functional sense, a portal is placed in a location which is a complete nightmare to get *out of* and requires multiple deaths before you realise you need to strip off so you can get enough speed to just about get on top of this TINY ledge AND you have to hit it at the right angle so you can fall down on the platform on the opposite side. I am sure the grip elevators were placed for this purpose but because you cannot control yourself in the air, using them is SUICIDE. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA. Dark Souls was a mastery of architecture, it didn't need to tell you where to go because the game organically led you from place to place and offered mysteries that gently guided you from location to location. This hellhole is a rats nest of tangled corridors which switch back on themselves. This is Blighttown, but repeated infinitely and in the worst possible way. THIS IS NOT GOOD MAP DESIGN. AT LEAST REMNANT PLACED A BEGINNING AND AN END ON THE MAPS AND GAVE YOU A ROUGH DIRECTION AND KEPT YOU GOING IN IT. THIS IS A LABYRINTH WITH NO EXIT EXCEPT WHEN YOU FIND THE NEXT ABSURD BOSS BATTLE. [h1]Closing thoughts at five hours? Oh dear...[/h1] Five hours. And that was about the longest five hours of my life. This was five hours of gaming constipation. It was uncomfortable, it made me grit my teeth, it was about as pleasant as forcing a tall boy beer can through something NOT DESIGNED FOR PURPOSE. Speaking of which, I hit the third boss at the five hour point. I suspect it's supposed to be a take on Ornstein and Smough, but when both of the bosses can throw out projectiles (one of which is a massive AE bomb) and then switch effortlessly between smashing your face in or raining death and destruction from afar, it sortof ruins the whole "Tag-team" vibe, because you can't work out where the attacks are coming from. THEY'RE COMING FROM EVERY DIRECTION AND THEY CAN ONE SHOT YOU. This game can quite honestly get f**ked. Verdict: [b]How about no? How about f**k no. Yeah, let's settle on that. NICHT ACCEPTABRU[/b] [i]Written for [url=https://sp.zhabite.com/groups/balancepatchers]Balance Patch[/url], if you'd like to see more of their work, follow the link in the italics[/i]