Meet the crew of the UES Safe Travels, our latest pioneers in attempting to reach a particular death planet. You probably know what I'm talking about. If not, then you will be provided with a brief description of each of these idiots, so you may decide which one to choose yourself!

Again, this guide is a copy of an existing guide. So this is by no means mine.
https://sp.zhabite.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2005030972

Commondo
Shooty boye

Real name: Rambo (Legally changed)

- Pew Pew Pew Pew Pew Pew Energy blast SFX x1000
- Brought 9mm to fight an entire planet
- Claims to have beaten every Dark Souls hitless, rolling is part of DNA
- Prefers not to say that he used cheat engine while doing it
- Rumored to be an actual dwarf
- Slipped hopoo a twenty to make his alt skin more than just a recolor
- Religiously watches Rambo on a daily basis
- Constantly asked to wield his guns like a gangsta
- Everybody gangsta until the shooty boye acquires a shotgun
- Has a THICCer outline compared to the others because some moron used a brush instead of a pencil
- Number of attempted robberies at gunpoint: 7
- Not american
- Number of mexican standoffs participated in: 4
- Doesn't know how to spell "Iguana"

Hontrass
Speedy grill

Real name: Belle Delphine

- Arrows about as effective as a nerf gun
- Thunder thighs
- Probably starred in porn before but won't admit it
- Largest number of r34 posts
- Where does she hide that glaive tho
- Alt skin is a recolor but luckily with a good color scheme
- Constantly simped on by creepy strangers
- Got cancelled because she has a bf
- Regularly uses TikTok
- About as squishy as her glutes

WALL-E MUL-T
Switchy boye

Real name: Chad Thundercock
(Sentient Machinery is legally allowed to name itself)

- This is the ideal robit body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like
- Commondo showed him Rambo once, causing him to later change his nail dispenser into a DIY minigun
- Walking storage facility. Just don't open the homework compartment
- Idolizes a blender
- Worst alt skin in the game, default objectively looks better
- Ignores it like the chad that he is
- Superior artificial intellect. Effectively impossible to insult or offend
- Press shift for Tokyo Drift
- Oh hey that rhymed
- Knows how to spell "Iguana"
- Right arm is purely for fistbumping purposes
- Number of fistbumps with commondo: 0 (commondo doesn't wash his hands)

Enginoor
Immortal boye

Real name: Blorgnargth, consumer of reality

- Solves practical problems
- Doesn't use gun
- Fungus
- Lots of fungus
- ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ that's a lot of fungus
- Pretty sure he's secretly just a sentient fungal colony
- Scratch that, he's just the leading figure in the development of genetically engineered slime girls (on a fungal basis)
- Partook in the creation of MUL-T
- Not really, he was just the ideas guy
- Attached limbs to a blender once for some reason
- Legs don't work like they used to before due to overusage of hover booster instead of actually sprinting or jogging
- Can become god for 15 seconds at a time
- Thought it was a good idea to attach legs to mines and teach them how to walk
- Now wanted in several countries for committing war crimes
- Was allowed to fake his death and change identities if he continued to make progress on slime girl waifus
- Restarted the universe so he could avoid faking his death. Really likes his name

Artificer
Floaty grill

- Actually thiccer thighs than huntress
- Not popular enough for people to notice that
- Has an OnlyFans
- Starter ability kit about as fun as ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ a blender
- Unless you're MUL-T
- Close cousin of Dr. Robotnik, more commonly known as Eggman.
- Flamethrower, or launching yourself out of the stratosphere?
- Of course the latter, you goof
- I must go. my people need me
- Jetpack about as effective at stopping a large fall as an umbrella
- Number of exclusive OnlyFans ass and thigh pics: 518

Morcenory
Sword boye

Real name: Сunt with legs

- Perpetually on cocaine
- Watched every chinese cartoon in the multiverse
- Energy katana stolen from some kid's birthday party at a chuck-e-cheese
- *autistic screeching*
- Carries 40 quintillion backup mags despite not even having a gun
- Backup mags allow him to become the last Airbender
- No clue how
- Periodically catches fire
- Wanted for (blinding) assault in 17 states
- Alt skin is really good but turns him blind
- A small price to pay for fashion
- Not phased by Hontrass or Artificer's assets. Only loyal to 2D women
- Still jerks it to 2D fanart of them
- Birthday party was for a dev's kid, so they nerfed him to oblivion in 1.0 as payback
- Won't shut the ♥♥♥♥ up about how much he loves japanese culture and history. Doesn't even know what a youkai or a torii is
- Pre-ordered Assassin's Creed CCLXXVIII: Space Patrol (Collector's Edition)
- Constantly tells others to go obliterate themselves from existence
- Steals others' items for breakfast
- Does not require a blender. Power of autism enables to chew any solid object into pure juice with only his teeth before swallowing

REX
Plant boye

Real name: Rex

- Too shy to sprint above ground
- Yeet people into pits
- Yeet himself into pits
- What do you mean you can't outheal a titan laser just because your basic attack has healing and you can weaken enemies? ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ pathetic.
- Wholesome boi
- Attempted to have intercourse with a bush
- Suffers from mild seizures
- Has a really cool hairstyle
- Was convinced by MUL-T to ♥♥♥♥ a blender once. Discovered he does not enjoy same-species intercourse, prefers plantlife

Loadur
Punchy grill

Real name: Angelina Joestar

- Older cousin of One Punch Man (Woah this joke is so original huh)
- Who needs to do exercise or work out when you can just borrow the exoskeleton from your job?
- Weighs several tons, but still fast as fucc
- Grappling hook makes everyone around her jealous
- Morcenory claims she stole the melee role from him, what a ♥♥♥♥ lmao
- Sporty tomboy waifu
- Will chokeslam you as a greeting
- Obliterated a small pigeon once by simply staring at it
- Doesn't show off her thighs, has womanly pride.
- Can still crush your skull with them
- Still not allowed to use the blender after the first time she gripped it too hard and crushed it. Crew had to order a replacement.

Ucrid
Toxic boye

Real name: Donald

- Spits ♥♥♥♥
- Swipes claws at sh♥t
- Sh♥ts sh♥t after leaping
- Not allowed to sit on the couch but sits (and sh♥ts) there anyway
- WILL sh♥t in your cereal
- Adopted by crew after being found in an eldritch void
- Doesn't really mind
- Attention deprived
- Being treated like a dog equals free snacks and attention
- Hates being called a furry
- Is a scalie
- Virgin for life, ♥♥♥♥ too large to insert into any lemurian
- Number of blenders confused for litter boxes: 1

Captin
Shotgun dad

Real name: Scrooge McDuck

- Is OLD and STINKY
- Watches way too many detective shows
- Has a really cool helmet with a HUD specifically for watching netflix
- Spent all his retirement money on his outfit and a prosthetic shotgun arm
- Really likes Devil May Cry 5, still uses Nero's jacket since that one time he cosplayed as him
- I mean, even his alt skin has the same color scheme as Nero's alt skin
- Calls in local pigeons to crap on enemies to cause mild discomfort
- Clearly because all pigeons are government-controlled drones, duh
- Despite being the leader, is a submissive little ♥♥♥♥♥ that heals others with a ♥♥♥♥♥♥ little beacon
- Practically useless outside of normal stages (Pigeons don't exist in eldritch voids, yo.)
- Ol' little legs are the only way to move. At least he stays in shape unlike Enginoor.
- Wears a hat on top of a helmet due to insecurities about receding hairline
- Is in constant debt due to ordering highly technologically advanced pigeon ass beacons over and over
- One of the beacons allows him to become H a c k e r m a n
- Has a drinking problem
- Giantess fetish, periodically hallucinates pigeons being a large ship to "store" his "cargo" in
- Secretly Bandit in disguise, still pissed that he was left 99% finished in the game files.
- Uses his malfunctioning phone charger as a secondary weapon, useful for causing additional mild discomfort to enemies.
- Still will not forgive the crew for stealing his blender and using it for weird ♥♥♥♥
- Oh yeah i forgot to mention his drinking problem refers to fruit juice, not alcoholic beverages

Congrat! You have reached the end of this stupid off-brand guide, which is a copy of this guide here
https://sp.zhabite.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2005030972

Hope you now know which survivur you wish to play as! If not, I hope you at least had some laughs or something, idk.