So as you will soon find, if you're a good medic, you will be loved and praised by everyone on your team. However, if you're a bad medic, your team will hate you even more than before while all you were doing is playing a useless sniper(piss pony). Have no fear if you are a bad medic I am here to teach you how to get all the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ wet.

Now as medic, other than your ability to create a colored line that magically heals people, you can use something called an ubercharge. An ubercharge can come in many different formats, which will be explained later. Your ubercharge is gained by healing people, people you should at least give a passing glance too while you heal the closest heavy and the heavy only, are people who are: on fire, bleeding, getting butt stabbed, eye stabbed, face stabbed, sniped, panned, hammed, shot at, or are just plain calling medic(be careful though, it could just be a masked frenchman in disguise as you). Healing people during set-up gives you the same ubercharge rate even if they are hurt or at full health, so don't keep blasting your self in the face exploder with rocket. Outside of set-up time ubercharge rate is faster by healing people who are hurt, you'll still get uber from that 1 heavy you're healing but not as fast. You can also tell how much uber you have by the little % bar in the corner saying ubercharge, so now you wont have to ask people what that little bar means and have them call you the stupidest little ♥♥♥♥ ever. Also if you don't give any ♥♥♥♥♥ about your team, you can just run out into the field with the ubersaw and get uber from that, and don't worry you wont die because the ubersaw has an unlisted 100% chance of crits, if anything you will be EVEN MORE OF A CONTRIBUTION.

The medi-gun you start out with has a special power, that allows you and the person you are healing to become GODSSSSS!!!!1!111Q! The regular ubercharge, if you want to point fingers, is probably the best ubercharge. It gives you the best 8 seconds of your life, and then when your heavy finally realizes there is a lvl. 3 sentry over in the corner without an engy, that 8 seconds is over and you both die. FOR TAKING OUT SENTRIES USE A DEMOMAN, THERE ARE OTHER ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ CLASSES OTHER THAN HEAVY TO HEAL. The best time to use this uber is when you have your support class to heal, they have no idea what the hell is going on, and don't have ammo(actually do the exact opposite). If done correctly, you should have done absolutely nothing, but take out the sentry because all YOUR ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ TEAM IS DOING IS JUST SITTING IN SPAWN, AFK, JERKING EACH OTHER OFF, AND YELLING AT THEIR MOM THAT THEY ARE GOOD AT VIDEO GAMES.

The kritzkreig gives only the person your healing a boost, while it leaves you completely open and weak. The kritzkreig is a weapon that builds uber faster than the normal medi-gun and gives your target healer crits for 8 seconds. This really should be used ony on defense, to help push back or, get out of the serious ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ your in. With the kritzkreig you should primarily look for a demoman or heavy to kritz because they put out the most damage in the 8 seconds your given of chuck norris power. However this weapon leaves you, the medic, completely exposed. So what I suggest you do is crouch behind the class you are healing and kritzing, or hide somewhere were nobody can touch you(with guns) but you can still give the kritz to your demo or heavy. Also watch out for dangers because neither you or the person you are healing are invulnerable(I am gettting serious here because the kritzkreig really pisses me off when medics who don't know how to use it, only use it). If you can accomplish yourself as a kritz medic, then you can deem the title Adolf-Kritler.

The Quick-Fix is probably "THE BEST MEDI-GUN THERE IS". All it does is heal, heal, heal, and heal, oh and I can't forget heal. THE ONLY THING THE UBERCHARGE DOES IS HEAL AT A CRAZY FAST RATE(and eliminate all push force, which is helpful when the pyro's on the other team finally figure out that there is indeed the fabled button of legend, mouse 2). This weapon also allows you to jump with rocket jumpers, and sticky jumpers. Also run with the scootybooty men. This weapon should be used when the only other medicine man on the team is using his regular ubercharge on the 1 heavy and is not healing anyone else. "Why isn't the other doctor healing me?", but with the quick-fix this statement will be a thing of every 2.5 minutes.

The Vaccinator also uses 1 of the fabled buttons of legend, mouse 3(scroll wheel). This medi-gun UBERCHARGES LIKE A ♥♥♥♥♥ AND MAKES IT SO CLASSES CAN'T DEAL ANY DAMAGE, CRIT OR NOT, TO YOU AND YOUR TARGET. This weapon cycles between 3 different resistances: small fast moving metal object resistance, KA-BLAHMY resistance, and hell resistance. If used correctly this weapon will get all the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ wet in a matter of seconds. This medi-gun should be used when you need to make anal penetration to the other team of demolition men without any form of lube or protection(and by that I mean make a push to the last point in the 30 seconds you have to destroy a team mostly consisting of demoman or soldiers).

This was supposed to be a serious guide, but I can't help myself around certain areas. You want more of a conclusion? WHO NEEDS DAT ♥♥♥♥♥. IM OUT TO GET A CHEESE BOYGAH.