Recent reviews by phonesex with the phreaker

Truly, Juan Seppo Blade-Slalom Ramirez and I are the same. We are brothers.

The game is extremely fun, but, if I had to pay for this, I wouldn't recommend it. It offers a good glimpse into the game's potential, but that's exactly what it is - potential. If the devs flesh out the game mechanics, tighten up the procedural generation (some of the generations are so obtuse and cluttered that it isn't fun to run through them), expand the selection of music (the tracks are bangers, but there's like 3 of them in total. You hear the same things over and over again), expand and deepen the selection of items and their effects, and improve the roguelike aspect of the game to encourage repeated runs, then this game will be a gem.

If, like a lot of early access demos, the devs just push the game out basically in the state it is now, but charge you money for it, it will be trash.

Good game. It's been getting decent updates. They've expanded the game with more features. I'd like to see runs feature more areas though. Overall, it's a good experience.

Horribly optimized garbage on Linux. Considering it's a remake in the source engine, I have no idea how they managed to do this. You have to bungle things real bad to manage to make an unoptimized piece of trash in source.

Wouldn't recommend this game if you're on Linux. It's unplayable due to horrendous optimization.

The game is mediocre. I had heard so much about this. The reviews are all glowing, but the writing is extremely lack luster. The dialogue is uninspired and bland. The jokes are bad and use sex as a crutch to give weeaboos wood instead of doing anything interesting with the topic as a joke.

The gameplay is garbage. I appreciate that they tried to add something interesting gameplay wise to a visual novel, but it would have just been better without it. You just smash through whatever the hell the drunkard wants as fast as possible so you can get back to more ♥♥♥♥♥♥ dialogue.

I'll probably finish playing the game, maybe, but it's just lack lustre. I won't remember it.

Yeah sure, the game is good but the DLC policy is cancer. Bought this at a steep discount and I'll do the same with the DLC. There is no excuse why a game less than a year old has enough DLC that it costs as much as the base game.

Piece of trash didn't run on a machine that exceeded the recommended.

Don't listen to any scrub who tells you Hammerfight is bad. You pick up a hammer, you smash it on things. This is not a hard concept.

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