A curious orb was floating in the hallway this morning.

I went to shoo it away with my replica gladius. But what had first appeared solid was in fact a gelatinous sphere; a mesmerising celestial body come to visit. It sat suspended in the aether for a blissful moment.

But my territorial posturing had broken the spell. It, like so many gauls, folded when presented with Roman iron.

The better part of an afternoon was spent pushing it onto the landing with my broom. The immense surface tension of the pearlescent gunk made it nigh impervious to my bristled probing.

Once free of it, I locked the door. But as the bolts rang true I knew we would meet again.

Dreams, once graced by visions of Carthage burning, were now dominated by the orb. I've bought a scutum and triggered hyperinflation, like any good Roman would in times of crisis.

There is now nothing left to do - I must go. Makes offerings in my name for victory and safe return.

This will be my carrhae, or my Actium.

"WHEN YOU CALL MY NAME! 🎤👨‍🎤 When I met with those aliens 👽👽👾, May 21st, '76 🇺🇸🇺🇸, I was a 16 year old kid🧍‍♂️. I looked em in the eye and I said "I REALLY DONT GIVE A DAMN" 😈😈👹👹👹 and they 👽 let me know they 👽 could squish me like a bUg 🦶🦟🦟. And I told them I really don't give a damn, you murdered my father 😡😣 WHAT IS THERE??!! 😡😡🔥🔥🔥 As he stepped out of the light 🛸 and he looked me in the eye 👁️👄👁️ and he said "listen son"................... AS he stepped out of the light he 👽 looked me in the eye 👁️👄👁️ and he said "Listen son", my father 😦😟😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😢.... *hshhhh* "My name Summerngo 🛸🛸... Murphy, Hancock Smith! My family is worldwide 🌍🌎🌏. THEY ARE THE UNIVERSE.. 😮😮😲😲🌌🌌🌌🌠🌠🌚

2 Kings 2:23 🙏

You know Dasher and Dancer And Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid And Donner and Blitzen
But they were all of them deceived
for another reindeer was made

He kissed my dog and now it has shingles :(

💇‍♂️👨‍🦲 Being bald is 🔥🔥🔥

Who needs hair when you can rock that 💎💎💎 shiny dome like a boss?

You can save so much time and money on haircuts and products. Plus, you can finally say goodbye to bad hair days! 💇‍♂️💥

Being bald is the ultimate #flex. You can feel the wind in your scalp and show off that bare skin for all the world to see.

So embrace the baldness, my friends. It's not a curse, it's a blessing! 💎💪💥