Recent reviews by FunnelVortex

I won't repeat what others have said about the update breaking the game and I am just going to say that it was only another poor decision on top of a long series of poor decisions that has broken the game more and more over time. The devs cause more problems and add more random poorly thought out content to appeal to YouTubers and their child audiences every update instead of fixing existing bugs or adding meaningful features. The dumb space DLC and the broken update only broke the straw on the camel's back.

Multiplayer still sucks and things don't work properly in servers, most servers are ran by a 12 year old on a cheap laptop who will scream at you for loading the wrong creation, and most stable servers are filled with greifers using exploit-powered hypersonic glitch missiles to teleport you off the map. The Discord is a crapfest as well, their sweaty mods ban or mute anyone critical of the devs until they are surrounded by no one but yes-men who will continue to say all is well.

I loved this game, I have over 1600 hours in, but it's clear the devs do not care anymore so why should you? Just put your money into From The Depths at this point, it's a boat builder with an outer space layer that actually is well thought-out and works.

A nice fun little horror game that doesn't take itself too seriously.

Choo Choo Charles isn't without it's issues, but it makes for a fun time if you want a quick and simple horror game to play. The puzzles are a bit easy, the stealth is meh, and Charles himself isn't too hard to fight, but the atmosphere is incredible, the fights are fun, the train is a joy to ride, there's a lot to explore, and those moments where you strategically gun down a bunch of insane demon-Thomas worshipers wearing freaky Dream masks are worth it. Not to mention the final boss fight, albeit easy, will still get your adrenaline pumping.

If you are sick of all the boring big-budget horror games trying to be FNAF-style deep lore YouTube bait these days, then you'll appreciate this. The concept is ridiculous, the game knows it's ridiculous, and in many places the game is quite self-aware with the humor taking jabs at itself and the horror genre as a whole from time to time. It doesn't try to be deep or throw any implications of franchise-spanning, meaningful, metaphoric lore at you, it's just there's an evil demon-train, there's a mustache twirling villain and his goons who worship evil demon train, you have to kill evil demon train, and that's it. There is an implication for a sequel at the end, but if a sequel does come to fruition it'll probably just be more of the same fun carnage.

I streamed this game on Twitch and got it done in little over 4 hours, it made for a very fun time. If you just want a little simple horror game that you can play for a few hours and are not looking for anything grand then this is for you!

100/10 would clip through the world while getting near a garage again.

This game is fun, except for when you helplessly watch as the empire you wasted hours building gets rapidly bulldozed because an ally dragged you into a war with an overwhelming empire which there is no option to escape from and your ally refuses to surrender or force status quo beyond all reason and there's nothing you can do about it because wars are all one-sided number-based steamrolls in this game and there is no way you can pull off an underdog story or recover afterward whatsoever and so you delete your save and exit the game in a fit of rage.

But you just keep coming back to try again and keep repeating the same painful cycle, you think you are going insane after a while. You find you can't get your economy off the ground. Steamrolled. So you try again and can't come across good events or anomalies worth a damn. Steamrolled. So you try again and only ♥♥♥♥♥♥ systems with hardly any good planets spawn near you. Steamrolled. You load up again and spawn next to an advanced start fanatical purifier. Steamrolled. You are finally sick of it all so you download the DLCs and become the fanatical purifier. Dogpiled and steamrolled. You try mods, a bug from one of them causes a pivotal point in the game not to work. Steamrolled. You try to go materialist but your research never rolls the tech you need until it's too late. Steamrolled. So you try egalitarian but the hordes of braindead consumers in your society riot because they can't get the latest iPhone since you ran out of consumer goods causing your economy to death spiral. Steamrolled. You go authoritarian but your slaves revolt while you are in the middle of a war. Steamrolled. You try militarist for the stat boost but find everyone hates you even though you didn't do anything to them. Steamrolled. You try xenophile but everyone else is a xenophobe. Steamrolled. You try spiritualist but the materialist fallen empire full of 2011 atheist youtubers hates your religious garbage. Steamrolled. And pacifist? Who plays pacifist?

So you decide you are done wasting your life on this game, you uninstall it and you go outside, you feel the warmth of the sun on your back which hasn't felt the sun in ages and smell the cut grass and flowers which is a nice change in pace from the constant smell of Doritos and dirty underwear. You find that you are enjoying the world in ways you haven't before, but then suddenly in your gleeful wandering you are ran down by a steamroller in the street driven by the staff of Paradox themselves. Steamrolled.

Then you reincarnate as some nerd who eventually gets into gaming, then you buy Stellaris and then you start it up only for the cycle to repeat.

You go through it all again. Your luck doesn't line up again. And you suffer the same outcomes again.
But you never learn, and you keep coming back.
Because like it or not, despite your pain and insanity
You love this game
Because in the end conquering the xeno is worth it all.
It's worth it for the Emperor.
Worth it for the Imperium.

Nemesis is pretty cheesey, my recent game with Nemesis installed was ended because not one, but two, crisis empires arose nearby. One was defeated but later on the second one popped up right next door, and the empire I spent many hours building up got bulldozed while I could only helplessly watch while my fleets got chewed up by the massive armadas they pulled out of their ass and my star systems started exploding while all my "allies" in the Galactic Community just derped around and didn't help me even though they had bigger doomstacks than the crisis empire. Nice to see allies are still worthless and bad at using fleets..

Multiple empires being able to go "crisis" is broken, the fact they can suddenly pull massive fleets out of their ass faster than a regular crisis is even more broken. I was under the impression only one crisis aspirant would be able to make the final move and their power increase wouldn't be that rapid. I am used to having my run suddenly ended by cheesey mechanics in this game but this time was especially infuriating, most of the time when I get bulldozed it is due to having bad luck early game while in this case I was far enough into the game that I was just about to get my Dyson Sphere online so it really felt like I completely wasted all that time.

The espionage system is an interesting idea but it is pretty much anti-fun and worthless as it currently stands. Spies do not do anything useful and gaining even ultra basic info on an empire requires an envoy (which you only have two of early game for most empires), which is far more of a burden than a benefit. I am not against the idea, espionage could be highly useful for smaller empires who are currently struggling early game or as a way for you to be more competitive on Captain (or higher) difficulty or as a new way to play tall, but it needs a lot of reworking until it is truly ready.

This DLC seems to strictly appeal to players who want to go on a massive power trip, which I get, but currently that is all it is good for. If you do not plan to go the crisis route the mechanics of this DLC will completely screw you over. The mechanics are really broken and the content is lacking.

I do not recommend this DLC unless you absolutely plan to go the Crisis route, and even then get it on discount because it is not worth 20 dollars. The things they need to fix for the DLC to be worthwhile are:
1. Nerf Crisis empires.
2. Only allow one empire to become the crisis.
3. Buff spies.

EDIT: After recently coming back to the game I am glad to say the problem with cheaters has improved for the most part. They've been doing a better job banning cheaters recently and I can say I can finally recommend this game.

Okay, I just want to say this is not a bad game, in fact I really like this game. The reason I am not recommending it is because of one big reason: hackers. I know hackers and cheaters are a problem in almost every game, but for this game they seem to be especially bad, in several matches I've caught them aimbotting or taking 3 successive shotgun hits point blank to the face and somehow not get knocked down. I've noticed in most cases they tend to be Twitch streamers too, and in one of their streams I noticed their health was depleted yet they didn't knock down at all probably due to using some invincibility hack. The devs need to introduce some sort of anticheat or ways to thwart cheaters, I would love to recommend this game but with cheaters currently being a rampant problem I can't in it's current state. I hope this problem gets sorted out in the future.

I recently picked up Warhammer 40k: Space Marine because I was in the 40K mood.

In this game you are put into the shoes (power armor boots?) of space marine captain Titus of the Ultramarines as you help fight in a long, bloody, and seemingly hopeless battle to save the forge world of Graia from falling into the hands of the enemies of mankind.

The grimdarkness of the distant future is everywhere in this game. It captures the feel of the 40K universe well with graphic imagery, disturbing hints, an overlooming feeling of dread, and yet a light of hope admist the carnage. Of course being a Warhammer 40K title it does get gory and disturbing at times.

The story is simple, yet complex. I am not going to spoil anything, but the story and characters are written well enough that the ending leaves you wanting more. Perhaps one day we will get a sequel, because the story needs to be continued.

I would reccomend this game to anyone who likes 40K or wants to get into the 40K universe. Some hardcore 40K fans might complain about the space marines not being portrayed as "zealous" enough, but personally I loved seeing a more human side to the 10 foot posthuman supersoldiers who violently "purge" their enemies in the name of the Emperor.

Gameplay-wise, it plays out like other shooters such as Half Life or Gears of War, except there is a greater focus on melee in certian areas. It is pretty straightforward, you move, shoot, swing your sword, and use your surroundings to your advantage. Be sure to get the power ups, because the enemies get harder and harder as the game progresses. It's simple, but very fun and it will give you something to do for the week. And it is worth coming back to play again as well.

8/10: Give this game a sequel!