I had a nightmare last night. I woke up in a world where a family member only had three days left to live and there was nothing I could do as the clock wound down. Every time I play video games I can't help but think about what else I could be doing with my time. And who I could be spending my time with. Truth is, I am ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ terrified of how my life is turning out and every time I pick up a game I feel further and further away from where I want to be. I make excuses. Playing games my friends and family play can help me connect to them. Games can relieve my stress. There's no point in trying anything else, and you'll just end up wasting your time on something else if you put games down, so why bother doing anything but this? I'm so scared the time I have wasted is going to come back to bite me. My whole life, I have never felt satisfied with how I have spent my time. Now I have so little time and I still waste it. I REALLY want things to change. And I keep hitting this brick wall of a realization that it is up to me alone to change things. I want redemption. I want this little voice in the back of my head to finally be satisfied with who I am. And that starts with ignoring my lizard brain which only wants quick hits of dopamine, and following what that little voice (my instincts) have to say. I gotta uninstall Steam for a while and really focus. I feel like I can finally admit I am not yet strong enough to have Steam on my computer and resist the urge to play. Maybe I'll come back once I get back on track, but right now I need to stop consuming and start creating.
Thank you for all of the great memories.


- PR0T0STAR