Recent reviews by Barrelmaker

I greatly endorse this concept; will update this review over time.
For now, my biggest recommendation is actually simply that the ability to name your king and plots be added, for flavour. After all, is this not the best part of the telling? How in the year ---- of King Haldric, Legio I 'Frontline Paladins' became ironclad terminator vampires with a Midas touch, and carved a bloody swathe through the armies of the underworld? Or how 'King' Boss Biggie Rat accumulated such wealth that the Ferengi would've turned so green with envy you'd mistake them for the forestry king.

I should probably blame my own suboptimal planning for this, but I feel like I'd like the ordinary run to be just a little bit longer. The expansion of just oooone more tile. One!

I am also not sure if it's my unfamiliarity with deckbuilding games, but I didn't realise until the last round of my first run what joining duplicate cards meant -that you could level up a plot by putting another of its card on it. That would've changed a lot.

Where to begin? This review does not include any and all DLC. It is purely for the base game. This is one of the greats of our age. It's a MASTERPIECE. I haven't had to think so hard playing a Video Game since my first playthrough of KOTOR 2. It does not quite belong in the same vein as, say, Mechanicus, because while that game, its plot, its writing, and its characters were also masterpiece tier, the moral and philosophical conundrums were comparatively few. This one, in many ways, is as philosophical as Deus Ex, but with even harder questions that will test you and your worldview as a person. The proof of this is how many whinging neckbeards and degenerate Redditors have complained about the conviction system in this game, and how many do not understand it. My first playthrough still ended up 4/5 dogmatic and 1/5 iconoclast, however, and I didn't quite max out dogmatic because I was playing through blind and 1000% roleplaying, which led to multiple suboptimal decisions on my part. This, however, is part of the genius. Are you willing to do the right thing? Of course. Are you willing to take less than savoury means to accomplish it? Maybe. How will you deal with those who have done very unsavoury things in the name of justice? Will you finish their work so the sacrifices of others are not in vain, or has their work been compromised into heresy? As you might imagine, the Warhammer 40,000 universe (much like real life) is much less friendly to modern delusions than say, Star Wars or Star Trek, so if you attempt to bring tolerance and understanding, you will only bring ruin to everyone around you. Was I tempted at times to understand the alien? To show mercy to the exiles? Of course, but only up to a point, and that point was still enough to burn me and all those around me big time. To make moral decisions here and keep your soul holy, you will need all your philosophical and theological guns. Remember that often, violence really is the answer, but I digress. You can still be just, even to your enemy, and show mercy, but you will need to do it with solid armour, a pure soul, and a weapon in your other hand. Many of those you show mercy to will be sizing you up for weakness, to exploit you. You will need to listen closely and think of the consequences of your actions in advance. The game will not hold your hand, and if you cannot follow the plot, you will bumble through it like Laurel and Hardy. Personally, I think this was one of the most beautiful things. Aren't you sick of media that talks down to its audience? On the other hand, did I feel sometimes like I was working or studying, doing homework instead of playing a game? At several points, yes, when I was presented with moral dilemmas so potent my brain fired like a furnace, but triumphing over them was all the more rewarding. Even when I failed at what I intended to do or was caught flatfooted, there was a triumphant quality to owning my decisions because they were MINE. I have often dreamed of what it would be like to live in the Warhammer 40,000 universe, and Rogue Trader conveys it perfectly. There is some disparity, perhaps, in certain depictions (such as that of the Mechanicus), but it's a big galaxy and perfectly plausible. Thus even down to your factional diplomacy, your relations are really with the local subdivision or presence of the factions (i.e. the Explorator Fleet, and not the whole Adeptus Mechanicus). Going back to living in the universe, though: in summary, just like in real life, it is not a happy place, but embrace the light of the God-Emperor with your whole heart and you will find solace and joy. Like in real life, humility and wisdom will save you a lot of trouble and a lot of pain. And like in real life, it is more possible to do harm with an open hand than with a closed fist. Even if you reach an understanding with the Other (be it xenos, heterodox, or something else), be wary when it tries to drive a wedge between you and the Emperor.

===[☺ Audience:]===
☐ Children (This should be obvious except in the most exceptional of cases; most ADULTS are not equipped for the kind of wickedness you will face here.)
☑ Gamers
☐ Everyone (This game is NOT for everyone, it will tax their poor brains.)
☐ Casuals (Play on anything above Normal and you WILL be doing homework.)
☑ Professionals
☑ Heretics
☑ Crusaders

===[☼ Graphics:]===
☐ Make your eyes bleed
☐ Sad
☐ Unremarkable
☐ Pretty
☐ Beautiful
☑ Masterpiece (I really liked the narrative sections.)
☐ Indistinguishable from real life

===[$ Price/value:]===
☐ Utterly worthless even on discount
☐ 90% off only
☐ Buy on sale
☐ A question of taste
☐ Okay choice
☐ A sound investment
☑ Well worth the weight (This is perhaps the greatest mileage I have ever gotten out of a Video Game.)

===[§ Requirements:]===
☐ Having eyes
☐ Corroded toaster
☐ Antique or better
☑ Competence
☐ Powerhouse
☐ NASA computer
☐ Multivac

===[† Difficulty:]===
☐ Just leave it running
☐ EZPZ 🍋✊
☐ Easy as 🥧
☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☑ Stay frosty
☑ A true challenge
☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it)

===[⌛ Game/run length]===
☐ One shot (0-2 hours)
☐ Short (2-8 hours)
☐ Casual (8-12 hours)
☐ Dedicated (12-18 hours)
☑ Weary journey (18+ hours) - (My first playthrough was 150 hours!!)
☐ Arcade (determined by you)
☑ A sound investment in your future

===[🔧 Game mechanics]===
☐ Liquid chaos
☐ RNG-based
☐ Poorly designed
☐ Straightforward
☐ Nuanced
☐ Brilliant
☑ Genius (It's still abuseable, of course, but nothing gamebreaking now.)

===[Ʊ Story] ===
☐ You'll have to make one up
☐ Blink and you'll miss any there might be
☐ Cheap fanfic
☐ Normal
☐ Exciting
☐ Memorable
☑ Epic (A story like this should be chiselled in stone and recorded on a menhir or stele.)

===[♬ Music] ===
☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage
☐ Just turn it off
☐ Tolerable
☐ Good
☐ Most excellent
☐ IT'S A MASTERPIECE
☑ Deus Vult (Literally.)

===[☣ Bugs]===
☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW!
☐ Check your systems for invasion
☐ Crawling
☐ Unpolished
☐ Like clockwork
☑ Clean enough to eat on (Many of the early reviews flipped out over bugs, and I encountered a few minor ones, but none were gamebreaking and the game continues to receive updates. At this rate, by next year it will be flawless.)
☐ Clean enough for surgery

=== [✠ Considerations]===
☑ Mod friendly (I think, but I am not sure)
☑ Singleplayer
☑ Multiplayer (co-op of some kind)
☐ Local co-op
☑ Contains heresy (OH MY GOD, AND HOW!)
☑ Contains crusading/inquisiting (BY GOD, YES!!!)
☑ Imperial Approval (With my whole heart. I hereby dub this Morally Edifying, if played by the right person.)

Since the reviewbombing era is over, now we get to rewrite this in a Serious fashion. I commit the capital crime against Super Earth: I hate democracy. But if one must have democracy, let it be Managed Democracy, which is the best kind. Therefore, I find this to be productive to society, and it fulfils and even surpasses quotas of xenocide and purgation against the Abominable Intelligence. Therefore, I endorse it. It also has stahlhelms, so it is not insensible to the fire that burns in our hearts.

===[☺ Audience:]===
☐ Children (MY children maybe, but I digress.)
☑ Gamers
☐ Everyone
☑ Casuals
☑ Professionals
☐ Heretics
☑ Crusaders

===[☼ Graphics:]===
☐ Make your eyes bleed
☐ Sad
☐ Unremarkable
☐ Pretty
☑ Beautiful
☐ Masterpiece
☐ Indistinguishable from real life

===[$ Price/value:]===
☐ Utterly worthless even on discount
☐ 90% off only
☐ Buy on sale
☐ A question of taste
☐ Okay choice
☑ A sound investment
☐ Well worth the weight (It would be this, if I didn't have the feeling it would shutter out one day due to its online nature.)

===[§ Requirements:]===
☐ Having eyes
☐ Corroded toaster
☐ Antique or better
☑ Competence
☐ Powerhouse
☐ NASA computer
☐ Multivac

===[† Difficulty:]=== (It is CONFIGURABLE!)
☑ Just leave it running
☑ EZPZ 🍋✊
☑ Easy as 🥧
☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☑ Stay frosty
☑ A true challenge (When you git gud enough, even Super Helldive becomes busywork.)
☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it)

===[⌛ Game/run length]===
☑ One shot (0-2 hours)
☑ Short (2-8 hours) <==This is the correct option, because WHY would you start an operation and not FINISH it?
☐ Casual (8-12 hours)
☐ Dedicated (12-18 hours)
☐ Weary journey (18+ hours)
☑ Arcade (determined by you)
☑ A sound investment in your future (not for its nature, but because you play it with friends)

===[🔧 Game mechanics]===
☐ Liquid chaos
☐ RNG-based
☐ Poorly designed
☐ Straightforward
☐ Nuanced
☑ Brilliant (environmental conditions, stratagems, and grand strategy have helped)
☐ Genius

===[Ʊ Story] ===
☐ You'll have to make one up
☐ Blink and you'll miss any there might be
☐ Cheap fanfic
☐ Normal
☐ Exciting
☑ Memorable
☐ Epic

===[♬ Music] ===
☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage
☐ Just turn it off
☐ Tolerable
☐ Good
☐ Most excellent
☑ IT'S A MASTERPIECE
☐ Deus Vult

===[☣ Bugs]===
☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW!
☐ Check your systems for invasion
☐ Crawling
☐ Unpolished
☑ Like clockwork (the occasional kink, but it's gotten better)
☐ Clean enough to eat on
☐ Clean enough for surgery

=== [✠ Considerations]===
☐ Mod friendly
☑ Singleplayer (not designed for this, but you can nominally do it)
☑ Multiplayer
☐ Local co-op
☑ Contains heresy
☑ Contains crusading/inquisiting (after a fashion, not my preferred flavour but acceptable)
☑ Imperial Approval (Barely. Death to the Elders, Tyranids, and Terminators.)

Trajan is an excellent new campaign, it finally brings the Romans to AOE2, and its recreation renders AOE1 DE obsolete. 9/10, is still missing old campaigns.

This is it: the culmination of the venerable Barrelgrounds tradition that began with Bilbo Baggins, was preserved by Donkey Kong, was popularized by Dunkey, and culminated in Our capable hands. If you play this without Expanding Fronts, don't even talk to me. Don't even look at me. Don't even exist to me. In short, don't be dumb to me. If you're still playing this with the CD version bugs and no widescreen support, you will never be a Serious and Respected Gamer. This is it, this is the pinnacle. Video Games are Art, and Digital Sports were invented solely for this. You may talk of Counter-Strike and Dota, of Super Crate Box or LUFTRAUSERS as the best game of all time, but they were all of them dethroned -yes, even the famed Super Mario Bruddas 2- when the Barrelgrounds made their debut. And I, I am the Barrelmaker, the one who made the Barrelgrounds literal, and then put barrels upon those barrels. Therefore ignore that foolish statistic up above, in actuality I have MILLIONS of hours on this title going back MILLENNIA. You followin' me? This game's so good, I've been playin' it before it even EXISTED. This game has the exclusive and unmatched distinction of being wanted by me before I even knew it was possible. The only thing that could ever dethrone this would be if it was this exact thing (Expanding Fronts included, dum-dum) but Warhammer 40,000. (No, Dawn of War does not count.) Well, 'tis to dream the impossible dream -and if you say it's not the best game evah made, then you da worst guy evah made.

A new power is rising! Its victory is at hand!

Rise up, gamers! Henceforth you shall be known as Barrelriders! Tonight, we roll in the Barrelgrounds like a Bantha! Ponds for da fishies! Barrels for the Barrelgrounds! Let the galaxy ROLL!

===[☺ Audience:]===
☑ Children
☑ Gamers
☑ Everyone
☑ Casuals
☑ Professionals
☑ Heretics
☑ Crusaders

===[☼ Graphics:]===
☐ Make your eyes bleed
☐ Sad
☐ Unremarkable
☐ Pretty
☐ Beautiful
☑ Masterpiece [The colours are VERY beautiful, the most you can do on a set of 256 colour palettes. This is art.]
☐ Indistinguishable from real life

===[$ Price/value:]===
☐ Utterly worthless even on discount
☐ 90% off only
☐ Buy on sale
☐ A question of taste
☐ Okay choice
☐ A sound investment
☑ Well worth the weight

===[§ Requirements:]===
☑ Having eyes [This game would run on the Antikythera Mechanism!]
☐ Corroded toaster
☐ Antique or better
☐ Competence
☐ Powerhouse
☐ NASA computer
☐ Multivac

===[† Difficulty:]===
☑ Just leave it running
☑ EZPZ 🍋✊[Computer Classic's not too bright]
☑ Easy as 🥧
☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☑ Stay frosty [Computer cheats on higher difficulties]
☑ A true challenge [Computer has been much improved]
☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it)

===[⌛ Game/run length]===
☑ One shot (0-2 hours)
☑ Short (2-8 hours)
☐ Casual (8-12 hours)
☐ Dedicated (12-18 hours)
☐ Weary journey (18+ hours)
☑ Arcade (determined by you)
☑ A sound investment in your future

===[🔧 Game mechanics]===
☐ Liquid chaos
☐ RNG-based
☐ Poorly designed
☐ Straightforward
☑ Nuanced
☐ Brilliant
☐ Genius

===[Ʊ Story] ===
☐ You'll have to make one up
☐ Blink and you'll miss any there might be
☐ Cheap fanfic
☐ Normal
☐ Exciting
☑ Memorable
☑ Epic (I am now counting user-generated Content, including mine!)

===[♬ Music] ===
☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage
☐ Just turn it off
☐ Tolerable
☐ Good
☐ Most excellent
☑ IT'S A MASTERPIECE
☑ Deus Vult (With Mandalorian addons, sure!)

===[☣ Bugs]===
☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW!
☐ Check your systems for invasion
☐ Crawling
☐ Unpolished
☐ Like clockwork
☐ Clean enough to eat on
☑ Clean enough for surgery (Let's be real; any problems you face with this will have more to do with backwards compatibility.)

=== [✠ Considerations]===
☑ Mod friendly (As easy as ticking boxes in Advanced Genie Editor!)
☑ Singleplayer
☑ Multiplayer
☐ Local co-op
☑ Contains heresy
☑ Contains crusading/inquisiting
☑ Imperial Approval [ALL MY APPROVAL.]

That this game has only mixed reviews and legions of howling furies in the forums is a testament to the iniquity and ingratitude of Mankind. Don't you spoiled children remember when a Warhammer 40,000 FPS was only idle fantasy? Well, I do, and I am grateful for this. The developers seem to be under a lot of pressure and some fans just can't be pleased no matter what, but it is always good to be charitable to your fellow human being. Why, yes, it IS poor form for a game to still crash when it hits full release, but in real life, quashing so many bugs is hard. Waiting a bit won't kill you, if you stick to your guns. Then there's the 'microtransactions'... I'd be critical if this was like EA's Star Wars Battlefront with the battle card levelling and what essentially becomes pay-to-win, but these are only cosmetics, so I find no fault in it. Is it the developers who are holding a gun to your head and obligating you to buy them, or is it your own ego? Maybe you couldn't stand sitting in prison scrubs (hello, where do you think you are?!) while a nobody became somebody when he put on the mask.
Now let's get back to the meat of the game. I am fairly impressed in most everything, with just a single pet peeve or two. Firstly, I notice that several hairstyles are class-locked, and I think this is silly (the case of the Ogryn excepted, of course, as the head is entirely different). Secondly, while the voices are good, there isn't a great variety of them. In the case of the Guardsman, as one is locked to Cadia, his voices are down to two for non-Cadians. My biggest criticism of all, though, is that this game is ONLINE. Back in my day, you could play games OFFLINE in perpetuity, and you wouldn't have to worry about servers shutting down one day or some such nonsense. Sure, there's online progression and the game is principally online, but look at how the classic, Left 4 Dead, handled it. I will be disappointed and wary if further support, like LAN support or fully offline with bots, is not added in future.
In general overview, I agree with what some others have been saying: the content is good, now give us MORE. More variety is what would be most excellent: more levels, more boss types, more everything. What would really give this game all the replayability is procedural generation of levels. The environments are beautiful, yes, and I take them in and all this and all that, but even I started to notice the paths looking familiar after a while. Building skill and tackling higher difficulties of course provides a long-term endgame, but how do games like Spelunky live and breathe for thousands of hours or more? That's how.

===[☺ Audience:]===
☐ Children [Online, beware]
☑ Gamers
☐ Everyone
☑ Casuals
☑ Professionals
☑ Heretics
☑ Crusaders

===[☼ Graphics:]===
☐ Make your eyes bleed
☐ Sad
☐ Unremarkable
☐ Pretty
☐ Beautiful
☑ Masterpiece
☐ Indistinguishable from real life

===[$ Price/value:]===
☐ Utterly worthless even on discount
☐ 90% off only
☐ Buy on sale
☐ A question of taste
☐ Okay choice
☑ A sound investment
☐ Well worth the weight

===[§ Requirements:]===
☐ Having eyes
☐ Corroded toaster
☐ Antique or better
☐ Competence
☑ Powerhouse
☐ NASA computer
☐ Multivac

===[† Difficulty:]===
☐ Just leave it running
☑ EZPZ 🍋✊
☑ Easy as 🥧
☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☑ Stay frosty
☑ A true challenge
☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it)

===[⌛ Game/run length]===
☑ One shot (0-2 hours)
☐ Short (2-8 hours)
☐ Casual (8-12 hours)
☐ Dedicated (12-18 hours)
☐ Weary journey (18+ hours)
☑ Arcade (determined by you)
☑ A sound investment in your future

===[🔧 Game mechanics]===
☐ Liquid chaos
☐ RNG-based
☐ Poorly designed
☐ Straightforward
☑ Nuanced
☐ Brilliant
☐ Genius

===[Ʊ Story] ===
☐ You'll have to make one up
☐ Blink and you'll miss any there might be
☐ Cheap fanfic
☐ Normal
☐ Exciting
☑ Memorable
☐ Epic

===[♬ Music] ===
☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage
☐ Just turn it off
☐ Tolerable
☐ Good
☐ Most excellent
☐ IT'S A MASTERPIECE
☑ Deus Vult

===[☣ Bugs]===
☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW!
☐ Check your systems for invasion
☐ Crawling
☑ Unpolished
☐ Like clockwork
☐ Clean enough to eat on
☐ Clean enough for surgery

=== [✠ Considerations]===
☐ Mod friendly
☐ Singleplayer
☑ Multiplayer
☐ Local co-op
☑ Contains heresy [In droves, and your job is to destroy it!]
☑ Contains crusading/inquisiting [Again, in droves!]
☑ Imperial Approval [In droves!]

This game right here is one of the greats of all time, and I'm not just saying that because I have to! :D It is an inevitable fact of life that any act following a great and famous one is bound to be compared. It is inevitable, therefore, that Tinyfolks be compared to Darkest Dungeon, without a doubt a smash hit, but in my estimation it is far more fun and inspired. It has many innovative mechanics, can be challenging but is fair, and its minimalist style manages to leave much to the imagination yet also be charming. There are very few games that manage to pull this off, and this is one of them. I learned of this one through a BaerTaffy video, and hopped on to the Tinyfolks train 12 days after release. We've been through a lot together, and Pierre is a fantastic and talented developer who gives ear to his fanbase. One guy said the time limits on the campaign made him anxious, Pierre added an easy mode (now time limit can be disabled straight). I said I wanted more than a 7 character limit for naming folks, and we got more. We even got caudillaje in the Spanish version, and other tidbits, and I endorse it. For my personal touch and more, it is very possible I have never endorsed a game as much as this one, for as much as I love the Barrelgrounds, my influence on them has been minimal thus far. In my original review for this, I also emphasised how essential having an imagination is to enjoy a game like this, and I preserved my example narratives below. Between having an imagination and all the challenge modes, the last of which dropped only a few days ago, all those who say that this game has no replay value are full of rubbish. Look at my hours, and counting. I will, no doubt, continue to play this until the end of the world. Yet I dream of Spacefolks one day...

[NO IMAGINATION]
I started my first playthrough with metagaming intel from having watched footage of it beforehand. I party wiped 20 days or so into the campaign because of poor judgement and raged, and then went on to beat the final boss. Mkay, not bad for four quid.

[IMAGINATION ENGAGED]
In the afternoon yesterday, I was a King. I employed a Hero named Boreas to help me retake my crown after my rival for the Kingship of Shadow assaulted my kingdom. We slowly but surely became an elite force to be reckoned with, eventually being joined by several others, including a man named Stanley (some guy off the street), Boreas' noble friend Octavius, and Nico-my-cousin-is-here. Things were going hunky dory until myself and the other four went to the crystal fields, where after a long and terrible struggle, we were DEPRIVED OF LIFE. This was a shocking turn of events we'd never recover from, and the story was thenceforth turned into a roaring rampage of revenge. The only veteran survivor of this massacre was Oliver, who had not been there. He then turned into the Arrow (duh), and rallied the survivors to wreak great and terrible vengeance. A friend of Stanley's, a man as equally equanimous, placid, and unnotable as Stanley himself was driven to religious fanaticism by the death of his friend, and this man, Jim, became a saint. Enraged by my death, my servant Fritz and my second-in-command Felix took up arms alongside Arrow, the vengeful survivor, and none other than Zephyr, the brother of the late Boreas, joined them as they trained to avenge our deaths. But first they ended up in the wrong place entirely because they did not pay attention to where they were going (or perhaps they lacked their King's map-pointing skills), and in spite of their victory, our sorcerer Vlad (not a vampire) died there. A couple of weeks later, they returned to the evil prism that killed us and, being prepared, roflstomped it with extreme prejudice and hatred. From there, it was principally a matter of scrounging up enough iron to make gear even the Shadow couldn't laugh off. So thorough was their preparation, so steely their determination, and so vengeful their vengeance, that when they embarked, they wiped the floor with the eldritch usurper, and despite coming close, they did not suffer a single casualty. Felix, no doubt, would have to be the next King, with Fritz, Jim, and an important personage named Bahamonde (who did not participate in the final assault) forming his court, and Zephyr and Arrow being his champions. There seem, at any rate, to be two morals on the one way: the first, don't get dead (especially, of course, for kings). The other is harder to swallow: pick up and move on when bad things happen, don't cop out or try to undo the past. Without sacrifice, there can be no glory.

===[☺ Audience:]===
☑ Children
☑ Gamers
☑ Everyone
☑ Casuals
☑ Professionals
☐ Heretics
☑ Crusaders

===[☼ Graphics:]===
☐ Make your eyes bleed
☐ Sad
☐ Unremarkable
☐ Pretty
☑ Beautiful
☐ Masterpiece
☐ Indistinguishable from real life

===[$ Price/value:]===
☐ Utterly worthless even on discount
☐ 90% off only
☐ Buy on sale
☐ A question of taste
☐ Okay choice
☐ A sound investment
☑ Well worth the weight

===[§ Requirements:]===
☐ Having eyes
☑ Corroded toaster
☐ Antique or better
☐ Competence
☐ Powerhouse
☐ NASA computer
☐ Multivac

===[† Difficulty:]=== (Between all the available and customizable difficulties)
☑ Just leave it running (only on zombie mode, hahaha!)
☑ EZPZ 🍋✊
☑ Easy as 🥧
☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☑ Stay frosty
☑ A true challenge
☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it)

===[⌛ Game/run length]===
☑ One shot (0-2 hours) (if speedrunning)
☑ Short (2-8 hours)
☐ Casual (8-12 hours)
☐ Dedicated (12-18 hours)
☐ Weary journey (18+ hours)
☑ Arcade (determined by you)
☑ A sound investment in your future

===[🔧 Game mechanics]===
☐ Liquid chaos
☐ RNG-based
☐ Poorly designed
☐ Straightforward
☐ Nuanced
☑ Brilliant
☐ Genius

===[Ʊ Story] ===
☐ You'll have to make one up
☐ Blink and you'll miss any there might be
☐ Cheap fanfic
☐ Normal
☐ Exciting
☑ Memorable (Yes, you DO get a different ending depending on the mode or if your monarch dies)
☐ Epic

===[♬ Music] ===
☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage
☐ Just turn it off
☐ Tolerable
☐ Good
☐ Most excellent
☑ IT'S A MASTERPIECE (even the tutorial music is thematically on POINT!)
☐ Deus Vult

===[☣ Bugs]===
☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW!
☐ Check your systems for invasion
☐ Crawling
☐ Unpolished
☐ Like clockwork
☑ Clean enough to eat on
☐ Clean enough for surgery

=== [✠ Considerations]===
☐ Mod friendly
☑ Singleplayer
☐ Multiplayer
☐ Local co-op
☑ Contains heresy [The game SAYS it's "perversion"]
☑ Contains crusading/inquisiting
☑ Imperial Approval ALL MY APPROVAL.

This game used to be fun, especially with a combination of friends and randoms, but like all things in this degenerate age, it just had to go bad at some point. Let me tell you what made Among Us FUN. You would take a friend or three who would act as co-conspirators, and you'd grab randoms and play the game every way EXCEPT what everybody expected. I'm talking Pikmin 4/Altrive (as he now calls himself) type shenanigans, I'm talking third wheel antics, I'm talking random defector rounds, I'm talking throwing out Black just because he was black, I'm talking random suicide just to shake things (and people) up. And if you're offended by throwing out Black just because he was black, I'M offended by someone being thrown out just because they were "acting weird". Nobody knew what to expect (with the odd exception of randoms who caught on and joined in), Facts and Logic™ people and other who take themselves way too seriously were mega trolled, and fun times were had by anybody that WAS somebody. Then, of course, those who were NOT somebody -I'm talking people like the Bodyguard, who apparently had no problems roleplaying as a Nazi and tossing people overboard just because, yet suddenly suffered Critical Existence Failure when Donald Trump came up- these non-individuals started whining and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ to the devs on the forums and of course, like Overwatch and a million other contemporary games, they just had to listen to them and make the game anti-fun. Now, you have to make an account to play this game, which anybody could play for free except here it costs about five quid. Now, users can report other users ('cause everyone LOVES ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ snitches and that's just what the world needed, amirite?!), and now, of course, as other reviews have pointed out, lobbies with randoms are full of bots and ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ who don't even put any effort in. I'm talking people (and bots) who sit in the lobby and advertise their deviant crap instead of, say, getting some fresh closet air. THEN, every single match is interrupted by the ridiculous and completely unnecessary porkin'-beans progression system. When the round is over, I don't want to watch the seedpod equivalent of paint drying, you stupid ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, I want to go on to the NEXT round. If I want to watch the bean counters, I'll drive myself down to the local corporate office and watch their bumbling attempts to balance budgets, all without your help. And the best part of it all? I SPENT five quid on a single DLC back in the day whose content I don't even have access to anymore because they changed everything, including how costumes work. This is a proper mess and I want my five quid back, you racketeers.

===[☺ Audience:]=== (Is anyone still playing?)
☐ Children
☐ Gamers
☐ Everyone
☐ Casuals
☐ Professionals
☐ Heretics
☐ Crusaders

===[☼ Graphics:]=== (I always thought this game was ugly anyway.)
☐ Make your eyes bleed
☑ Sad
☐ Unremarkable
☐ Pretty
☐ Beautiful
☐ Masterpiece
☐ Indistinguishable from real life

===[$ Price/value:]===
☑ Utterly worthless even on discount
☑ 90% off only (And that's IF you have a group of friends to play it with.)
☐ Buy on sale
☐ A question of taste
☐ Okay choice
☐ A sound investment
☐ Well worth the weight

===[§ Requirements:]===
☐ Having eyes
☑ Corroded toaster
☐ Antique or better
☐ Competence
☐ Powerhouse
☐ NASA computer
☐ Multivac

===[† Difficulty:]===
☑ Just leave it running (Yet another game where you can win by doing absolutely nothing.)
☐ EZPZ 🍋✊
☐ Easy as 🥧
☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☐ Stay frosty
☐ A true challenge
☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it)

===[⌛ Game/run length]===
☑ One shot (0-2 hours)
☐ Short (2-8 hours)
☐ Casual (8-12 hours)
☐ Dedicated (12-18 hours)
☐ Weary journey (18+ hours)
☑ Arcade (determined by you)
☐ A sound investment in your future

===[🔧 Game mechanics]===
☐ Liquid chaos
☐ RNG-based
☐ Poorly designed
☑ Straightforward
☐ Nuanced
☐ Brilliant
☐ Genius

===[Ʊ Story] ===
☑ You'll have to make one up
☑ Blink and you'll miss any there might be
☐ Cheap fanfic
☐ Normal
☐ Exciting
☐ Memorable
☐ Epic

===[♬ Music] ===
☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage
☐ Just turn it off
☑ Tolerable
☐ Good
☐ Most excellent
☐ IT'S A MASTERPIECE
☐ Deus Vult

===[☣ Bugs]===
☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW!
☐ Check your systems for invasion
☐ Crawling
☑ Unpolished
☐ Like clockwork
☐ Clean enough to eat on
☐ Clean enough for surgery

=== [✠ Considerations]===
☐ Mod friendly
☐ Singleplayer
☑ Multiplayer
☐ Local co-op
☑ Contains heresy
☐ Contains crusading/inquisiting
☐ Imperial Approval

I read YouTube comments that said a composer made a game to go along with some music. After having played this, I can say that this is almost certainly an accurate assessment. However, this is not to say that there's no real game to be had. There certainly is that, and even more so if you use your imagination. For instance: this is the story of a wizard named Saruman. Saruman lived in a tall tower called Orthanc, and Orthanc was enclosed within the walls of a place called Isengard. Saruman worked for a Dark Lord named Sauron, and his job was to conquer. While it was undeniable that Saruman enjoyed his work very much, he also resented his subservience to Sauron and dreamed of the day he could become Master of Midgard himself. As he spent his offtime day after day mucking about with ancient science, his mind returned to his precarious conundrum more and more often... and then one day, Saruman closed the doors of Orthanc. They would not open again save in the celebration of victory or the submission of surrender. At the moment, Saruman had only ballistae with which to fight, but as he pursued scientific achievement with avidity, he knew he would not be long in developing the weapons and traps he would need to defeat the forces of Mordor... and Niflheim... and Skynet... and R'lyeh... wait a minute, where the hell did Sauron find all of these fools?!
TL;DR lemme tell you about that time Isengard met Minecraft, with a touch of Kingdom (Classic/New Lands/Two Crowns) and enough jams to make breakfast for all of Great Britain.

Note: a lot of people seem to be complaining about randomness, either in card draws or in the landscape, but this can often be mitigated. The game doesn't foist upgrades on you for a weapon or tower you haven't drawn, so if you don't want them, don't draw them, even if you've unlocked them. And if you completely enclose the path, you can still pause with the game menu in order to think.

===[☺ Audience:]===
☑ Children
☑ Gamers
☑ Everyone
☑ Casuals
☑ Professionals
☑ Heretics
☑ Crusaders

===[☼ Graphics:]===
☐ Make your eyes bleed
☐ Sad
☐ Unremarkable
☑ Pretty
☐ Beautiful
☐ Masterpiece
☐ Indistinguishable from real life

===[$ Price/value:]===
☐ Utterly worthless even on discount
☐ 90% off only
☐ Buy on sale
☑ A question of taste (Disclaimer: I voluntarily paid full price because it tickled my fancy and I figured it'd be worth encouraging the developer.)
☐ Okay choice
☐ A sound investment
☐ Well worth the weight

===[§ Requirements:]===
☑ Having eyes
☐ Corroded toaster
☐ Antique or better
☐ Competence
☐ Powerhouse
☐ NASA computer
☐ Multivac

===[† Difficulty:]===
☐ Just leave it running
☐ EZPZ 🍋✊
☐ Easy as 🥧
☑ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☐ Stay frosty
☐ A true challenge
☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it)

===[⌛ Game/run length]===
☐ One shot (0-2 hours)
☑ Short (2-8 hours)
☐ Casual (8-12 hours)
☐ Dedicated (12-18 hours)
☐ Weary journey (18+ hours)
☑ Arcade (determined by you)
☐ A sound investment in your future

===[🔧 Game mechanics]===
☐ Liquid chaos
☐ RNG-based
☐ Poorly designed
☐ Straightforward
☑ Nuanced
☐ Brilliant
☐ Genius

===[Ʊ Story] ===
☑ You'll have to make one up
☑ Blink and you'll miss any there might be (The Monster Manual is the closest I could find to lore in this game.)
☐ Cheap fanfic
☐ Normal
☐ Exciting
☐ Memorable
☐ Epic

===[♬ Music] ===
☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage
☐ Just turn it off
☐ Tolerable
☐ Good
☑ Most excellent (A nice dynamic soundtrack, I love the harpsichord. Not a fan of the demon soundtrack though.)
☐ IT'S A MASTERPIECE
☐ Deus Vult

===[☣ Bugs]===
☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW!
☐ Check your systems for invasion
☐ Crawling
☐ Unpolished
☑ Like clockwork (I noticed that, like some people have said, towers can accidentally hit the wrong target sometimes in spite of their instructions.)
☐ Clean enough to eat on
☐ Clean enough for surgery

=== [✠ Considerations]===
☐ Mod friendly
☑ Singleplayer
☐ Multiplayer
☐ Local co-op
☐ Contains heresy (I doubt the demon soundtrack is egregious enough to count.)
☑ Contains crusading/inquisiting ("Abhor the demon!")
☑ Imperial Approval

First of all, this game has the unique distinction of opening my mind to a whole faction of Warhammer 40,000: the Adeptus Mechanicus. Before playing this game, they rather bored me as I saw them as those weirdos with an irrational aversion to their own human biology, an absurd hesitation to accept the Emperor's divinity, and an incomprehensible aesthetic in no small part due to them having so many cables and appendages protruding from them that they resemble a mass of tentacles more than cybernetic enhancements. While that last point can only ever be mitigated somewhat, after this game, I understand the Adeptus Mechanicus on a deep, yes, even a personal level. Their pursuit of wisdom is heartfelt, their devotion to preserving knowledge is personal, and their reverence for tradition is admirable and exemplary. While the gameplay is nothing to scoff at, it is here, in the story, that Mechanicus truly takes its place as one of the greatest Warhammer 40,000 games of all time. In addition to conveying the Mechanicus in a manner both comprehensible and appreciable, it also conveys a myriad of nuggets of precious wisdom. Most of these come from the proverbs of Dogmatis-Lector Videx (as is appropriate), but virtually the entire crew has their moments of wisdom. And the enemies you face -an extremely ancient fallen alien empire- are so consumed by their self-indulgent arrogance that they take for granted their long history and peerless scientific achievements make them superior to you. Whatever the outcome of your mission, your moral objective is to prove them wrong, whether by beating them at their own game and inheriting their scientific achievements or by standing like a man and telling them to their faces that your faith gives you the right, the power, the destiny to subjugate all in existence.

===[☺ Audience:]===
☐ Children (I consider it morally edifying but the philosophy would fly over many of their heads.)
☑ Gamers
☐ Everyone
☑ Casuals (Game settings can be tweaked to shorten the game but it'll affect achievements.)
☑ Professionals
☐ Heretics
☑ Crusaders

===[☼ Graphics:]===
☐ Make your eyes bleed
☐ Sad
☐ Unremarkable
☐ Pretty
☐ Beautiful
☑ Masterpiece
☐ Indistinguishable from real life

===[$ Price/value:]===
☐ Utterly worthless even on discount
☐ 90% off only
☑ Buy on sale
☐ A question of taste
☐ Okay choice
☐ A sound investment
☑ Well worth the weight (While its "true value" might be equal to that of a sale, in this particular instance I'd recommend buying at full price just to support the developers!)

===[§ Requirements:]===
☐ Having eyes
☐ Corroded toaster
☑ Antique or better
☐ Competence
☐ Powerhouse
☐ NASA computer
☐ Multivac

===[† Difficulty:]===
☐ Just leave it running
☐ EZPZ 🍋✊
☑ Easy as 🥧
☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master
☐ Stay frosty
☐ A true challenge
☐ S-c-h-m-u-c-k Bait (seriously, it's not worth it)

===[⌛ Game/run length]===
☐ One shot (0-2 hours)
☐ Short (2-8 hours)
☐ Casual (8-12 hours)
☑ Dedicated (12-18 hours)
☑ Weary journey (18+ hours) (At higher difficulties, the increased number of battles can drag out the late game.)
☐ Arcade (determined by you)
☑ A sound investment in your future

===[🔧 Game mechanics]===
☐ Liquid chaos
☐ RNG-based
☐ Poorly designed
☐ Straightforward
☑ Nuanced
☐ Brilliant
☐ Genius

===[Ʊ Story] ===
☐ You'll have to make one up
☐ Blink and you'll miss any there might be
☐ Cheap fanfic
☐ Normal
☐ Exciting
☐ Memorable
☑ Epic

===[♬ Music] ===
☐ Will give you cerebral haemorrhage
☐ Just turn it off
☐ Tolerable
☐ Good
☐ Most excellent
☐ IT'S A MASTERPIECE
☑ Deus Vult (They literally used a real cathedral and pipe organ in the soundtrack.)

===[☣ Bugs]===
☐ CALL PEST CONTROL! NOW!
☐ Check your systems for invasion
☐ Crawling
☐ Unpolished
☐ Like clockwork
☑ Clean enough to eat on
☐ Clean enough for surgery

=== [✠ Considerations]===
☐ Mod friendly
☑ Singleplayer
☐ Multiplayer
☐ Local co-op
☑ Contains heresy (Literally; that's what the expansion is about, and it is EXCELLENT.)
☑ Contains crusading/inquisiting
☑ Imperial Approval