Turn the lights down low and shut your faces as I wrap you in the cozy blanket of a story.
A story as heartwarming and soft as a mother's kiss. Or is it? Shhhh.
Once upon a time, there was a boat! Now this wasn't just any boat children, it was a ship!
A ship full of friends, HUNDREDS of friends, best friends one-and-all! A veritable friend-ship, it was! Get it? But it wouldn't be very ladylike of me if I didn't mention the most noteworthy friend on board: Hatty Hattington.
Say hi to Hatty! Hatty was like... King Friend of Friendship Kingdom, best friend to one and all, and the walking definition of 'handsome gentleman'!
Now one fine morning, Hatty and pals set out for a new, exciting adventure!
What fantastic wonders would they discover this time?
Perhaps they'd come across a scary ghost ship!
Perhaps they'd find an island, made entirely of candy!
Perhaps they'd meet a band of scary, swashbuckling pirates... and join forces to find an island made entirely of candy! Who knew?
But it didn't matter - so long as they were together, there were smiles to be had and adventures to be shared! Now today was a day like any other adventury day
spirits were uncrushably high, everyone was singing and dancing and having a jolly time!
When suddenly the ocean was all like "SURPRISE!" and a huge, massive storm brewed out of nowhere!
WHSHOOOOO-WHSHOO-WHOOSHOOSHMBLHM ...boy, that was quick!
WHJOOSHOOJHEH
And there was thunder. BOOM!
And the lightning, BOOM!
And the wind, BOOMmmSHOOSHOOSHUSHsh - and like that, it was over.
Is everyone okay? Said Hatty. I don't know what I'd do if I lost even ONE of you! Hatty...continued.
But the eye of the storm is VERY misleading, children. NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON IT
because the ocean was all like "PSYCHE!", and it came back, even bigger this time, twice as big!
WHSOOOSHOOOSHOO
As if Poseiden himself, extended his hand in friendship, and they spat in his mouth!
WHOOO-SHULOOSGRBRBRBRSHAJAJU-SHJU
BOY he was pis... he was mad!
SHOOO-WESHOOMEHSHU
And the rain came down like a shower of bullets, AH...AHHH!
And the floor boards were buckling and creaking and breaking and pieces of the ship were raining down like shards of broken dreams.
And then Reginald comes upstairs and he's all like "I say gentlemen, I do believe we're in quite a spot of bother!"
And everyone else was like "REALLY?" WHAT TIPPED YOU OFF, GENIUS?
And then Hatty was all like HEEEY, BE NICE!
WHSHOOO-SHOOshSHOOSH
HUGE, GIANT WAVES thrashed the boat to-and-fro, fro-and-to, carelessly sprinkling friend after friend into the cold, unforgiving abyss of the deep, dark ocean EVERYONE was screaming like "HELP ME!" SPLASH, SPLASH!
And there was this huge whale like MWAAAHHHH
and made it super scary, and I think there was a shark! WSHOO Yep there he is, OH GOD!
WHCHOO-SHUDLESHUMBLEDED
And then Hatty was all like "Hold on to your butts, LAND HO!"
and BANG! BANG BANG, SMASH!
A shipwreck! As foretold by their fate-books of...fate!
And while it seems like the end... this is merely the beginning of another fantastic journey for the brave crew of the S.S. Friend...Ship!

What a strange, mysterious island!
And what's this? The shore is riddled with little friend-sized footprints!
I guess the tide brought them to land! How utterly convenient!
But where have they gotten to? Who knows? I don’t. Do you? I don’t. Do you? I don’t.
Do.. WELCOME, TO BATTLEBLOCK THEATER
GO INSIDE! th... THE DOOR! When you're...ANYTIME.
maybe our friends came in here, to take shelter from the rain!
That's smart. But jeez, what a gloomy place!
Ever heard of spring cleaning?
Oh happy day, it’s Hatty!
And look, he’s made some wonderful new friends!
Oooh, and they got him a present! How thoughtful!
Hey wait a second, I don’t think that was a present...AHHH!
Those guys aren't wonderful new friends, are they!
Just..stay hidden and keep quiet! They haven’t seen you yet!
...OH NO, They see you! Clench your butt, this isn’t gonna be good!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH...
...YEP, that wasn't good. That wasn't good at all...