Recent reviews by Cereal Killer

Sleeping Dogs with the open world element removed.

Really F##king good food, developed by this fine team. Always happy to see more SEA represented in gaming media and this fine piece of cake is molto béne.

Said I looked lonely, and that it could fix that.

Worked well, 10/10 would Knot Knuckle my neighbour again.

just make a new character and tell everyone its your first day

Then enter, after learning the role: the quiet Dwarf in the backdrop...

Remember that originally, Peacekeeper was slated to be a male. Finally, I can live it out without the gender locked crapshoot.

Ezio comes with the usual hero palette, interchangeable colours but this time more restricted. You can't drastically change his hood/coat, like you used to in the OG games which is a bit disappointing. It can turn into pastel colours which is nice.

His ledge jump attack is the traditional hidden blade which is a nice touch.

They added male character SFX for the skin, which is appreciated. You might think this is a normal thing to have, but this is Ubisoft - can't be too careful.

Sadly you can't pair this with a good assassination execution unless you have the one from the previous event, which was MUCH better to the event currently ongoing which has Ezio yeeting people in that weird 'we saw that the community liked ledging animations so here's a bunch of janky ledge gimmick kills' tree. I would have personally wanted something slick and stylish, fitting for a Brotherhood Ezio, so you can likely pair it with one of the dagger stabby stab executions instead.

I rate this three sausage rolls out of five.

Edit: I change my rating to 2.5/5 The idle animations are boring, lacking in personality and nonexistent.

Boy's squash bugs.

Men spill oil.

I HATE THIS GAME, THERE ARE NO GOOD REASONS TO KEEP PLAYING, THERE ARE NO NEW MAPS

Is usually what I'd say, but I keep coming back to it. Out of my whole library why is it still here? Because of the replay value, sure you can't communicate with half the matches you get into. Sure there are no new maps. But by God I will parry that Afeera's thighs with the power of God and this grenade I found.

Cannot in good health recommend this. It's heavily underpopulated so bring your own lobby - area starts you off in a spawn island filled with AI. Then classic battlebus mechanics with the good old Da Vinci parachute you pull from Hammerspace.

You get siege equipment that you won't know how to load or fire because presumably it requires two people to function. And the plethora of broken weapons and the throwing weapons which are glorified semi-auto guns with zero travel time.

Give this one some time to steam up before giving it a go, maybe a few more months.

Hilariously janky game. It's like that one other Gladiator game about people about to die, only more jank - streamlined progression system and the ability to wrestle a man into a spike so you can aim and fire a blackpowder cannon pointblank into his lower chest cavity.

Precisely as the founding fathers intended.

Alright, let's do this one last time.

GREY CHARACTER CUSTOMISATION SCREEN REMINISCENT OF BLACK DESERT ONLINE

RACING GAME ARROW GUIDE ON GROUND LEADING YOU TO EACH OBJECTIVE

FORCED PLOTLINE AND DECISIONS WHICH MEAN NOTHING

240p TREEHOUSE VOCALIST WHEN YOU'RE MEANT TO BE KEEPING WATCH FOR ZOMBIES IN A OPEN WORLD SURVIVAL RPG

speaking of which, lets check out the reason i gave it a chance

there are actual survival moodles to keep in mind, bits that even mention hallucinations if you let it get that bad.

if youre like me, it wont ever get that bad because the game's too busy holding you by the hand to let you do anything.

big monster invades the lumberjacks, what do you do?

hold m1, don't move, eat the damage that barely even touches your lv8 health bar because the monster is set to lv2

if you read this far, congrats. you already knew it from the start.

its another mobile gacha they brought to pc, the open world doesnt exist and while it does somewhat barely, it's not worth your time.

save your time, your money and keep my wife's name out your f***ing mouth

I got bitten while scavenging for a bottle of water, found a little cosy shelter to the north-east with a well. I asked for medicine, just a common green-strain shot. They said they didn't have any.

So I terrorised them with molotovs, broke down their walls and lured the white-strain in to deal with them. A family of four. Those who fell to the fire, I used as bait to lure their former relatives out of the chain gates. And guess what I found in their home?

Five green-strain shots. So here's my lesson to all of you newcomers, anyone who says they don't have something - just don't want to give it to you. Use that desperation well and you'll survive. Take care, before the snow falls again.